Hoo boy. How to explain this one.
As of February 1st, we had our home Wi-fi updated and it booted me out of the network. Don't know why, but it did. I can go online now at the library, but as of last Tuesday, the 7th of May: The charge cord has real difficulty recognizing the laptop, so getting a charge is a gamble and the actual battery dies after 45 minutes tops.
So I will go online and use the library's computers on Tuesdays. Just a warning. But if I can, I may go on other days, just not as likely.
That's the technical difficulties.
Now to the lack of art part. My favourite.
As some of you may know, I lost my father on February 8, 2015. During the rest of that year, I had to handle my grief, my family's grief, living with no knowledge of how we were going to make it through the year on his insurance. I was fortunate enough to be eligible for SSDI(Social Security Disability in other words.) later that year. Then my uncle died in August, with no closure, not even an exact date of death. So as soon as I thought things were doing better, like meeting my fellow Dave the Octopus fans, it just added to the pile. I was put back on my Tourette's medication around the same time as the SSDI and death of my uncle. Then in the beginning of 2016, the medications side effects took their toll on my body and I needed to get off of them and after that, a medical test scare that was possibly caused by being on a contraceptive for hormonal imbalances(of which I've been off and on between brands from then to now.)
Things were doing better, but in both years, I numbed myself up to keep myself from breaking apart. With that, I didn't change anything in regards to handling my OCD or going out and getting a new life. I was barely grasping a routine with drawing and uploading when I made the best mistake that year and did the Inktober Challenge. It was fun, but it stressed me and my high standards of being out to the point that my OCD found ways to break this diamond. And drawing when my fear is through the roof can't happen, especially not with other people's art I owe. I don't draw well when I'm in a bad state of mind and my guilt for making everyone wait added to it.
I started researching my godawful condition and doing home treatments(well, when I remembered and was in a good mood) like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in 2017 and decided to branch out of the hermit shell. I took jewelry making classes, I eventually joined my local CPSA chapter(Colored Pencil Society of America) and things were still hell in the cranium, but after two solid years and then some, I think I got the hang of it. But then there's the art part.
The cause and effect is that it effects my art. I always got OCD yammering when I needed to scan, but it got progressively worse. Which sucks, because there's a lot I want and need to upload. I admit that I took on too many assignments to fill a void, my ability to say no was overridden by my desire to make other people happy, since I wasn't happy. The more time went on, I even felt bad to draw for myself because of how I feared that would look. Yeah, I make you wait two plus years for a simple picture, but I can draw this that and the other all the time and have the audacity to upload it like nothing? That would have made me madder at myself, more than I already am. I don't want to cancel any of my jobs I owe, just to say it out loud first, I just want everyone to know that a lot has gone on and I'll be alright. I plan on learning more about art and give you the best pictures I can to my ability, please don't lose faith in me yet, guys.
Like I said, I'm not dead, yet. I'm outta commission.
Glitchy